The 2011 Mostly-Stars Game!

Uh, this is the roster? Really? Usually I really like the All-Star Game. This year, I'm not sure.

What's a Michael Grabner? And why is he one of many roster selections that left me asking that ageless question: "Who's DIS guy?"
Yup, just when I thought I had maybe learned a few things, the All-Star Game comes along and leaves me just as confused as ever.

WHO'S DIS GUY: Defencemen
I mean, by now I've figured out that Duncan Keith is probably not a singer. He won lots of things last year, so it makes sense that he'd be voted in to the ASG.

Brent Burns?

I thought I had watched a couple of Thrashers games this year, but I seriously have no idea where Tobias Enstrom came from. So far I have learned that his name is Tobias and he plays defence in Atlanta.

I've heard Erik Karlsson's name a bunch of times before, but this is the first time I find out he's actually good for something. (Also, I guess, because someone fell off their chair laughing when someone suggested Kovalev should be at the ASG this year.)

WHO'S DIS GUY: Forwards
David Backes was at the Olympics. Uh, clearly I know very little about St. Louis because I thought he played for the Devils.

Who's Patrik Elias? No, I'm serious. Is his name Czech for "everyone on my team is having a godawful season"?

Will I finally find out what Loui Eriksson actually does, other than be a hockey player in Dallas, and make me wonder whether people meant to talk about Jonathan Ericsson?

I think I've finally learned that Ales Hemsky is a person, not a font or a fine brandy. But... Ales Hemsky? Somehow I think that (for once) there are other Oilers who are generating more buzz than he is. Oh, look at that, they've been herded into the rookie ghetto. Okay, cool.

I know I'm supposed to care about Corey Perry, but if someone feels like making a sales pitch that's cool.

I KNOW DESE GUYS: Goalies
No selection here that really confuses me, which makes all the omissions even more frustrating.

WHO'S DIS GUY: Rookies
The good news about the rookies is that I probably get a pass if I don't know everything about them.

Which is good, because what's a Michael Grabner? Is Evgeny Dadonov real? Is Jeff Skinner old enough to be in the NHL? Because he looks about 9 years old.

Oh, and by the way, this year's All-Star jerseys look like this and we won't know who wears which one until the last minute:

Picture yoinked from Puck Daddy, who has yet to answer my eternal question: "Has there ever been a nice All-Star jersey?"

Mystery players who come out of the woodwork. Jerseys that could probably have been better-designed. Whatever. At least I have the satisfaction of knowing that Carey Price earned his spot on the All-Star roster, right?